We love our guest posts

Even chocolate
won't cure my Chipotle breath.
Damn you red onions

But if Chipotle
justifies my eating Dove,
well then, bring it on.

-Katie B.

never remember
what the naked burrito
is called til too late.

fajita, my love
your medium salsa makes
me go ha-cha-cha

-Cathy S.

Tantalizing thoughts
Haunting my marketing mind
Burrito on brain.

-Stephanie S.

New faces at lunch
make me feel so popular.
Chipotle hubris.

Goldfish named Dumptruck
Didn't make it through the night
Mourning burrito

-Donald B. wrote this poem out of sympathy for The Fuzzkill's pet disaster.

Lunch at Chipotle
Surrounded by five women.
Burrito pimpin'.

Ate lunch at my desk.
Accomplished a lot, but
oh did I miss the 'pot.

I like hot salsa
Guacamole costs extra
Cures my hangover

-email submission by Lauren M., who should write a Lifetime movie about Chipotle

Told the cashier girl
that I'm not stealing soda.
I drink lemonade.

Talking about porn,
table neighbor listened. No
privacy at 'pot.

Almost tried the pork,
but chicken called out to me.
Creature of habit.

Yet again, two peeps
at table for four. Don't know
why this burns me up.

Upstairs there's a door-
A storage space! 'Twas open!
Tempted by tee shirts...

i grilled him some chops
made salsa, red beans and rice
he whispered 'love you'

-A wonderfully sultry haiku by Yansidara, author of http://intodaysagenda.blogspot.com/ and http://yansidarashaikus.blogspot.com/

Beans, rice and chicken
seems to prompt conversation
'bout serious things

Man at next table
gave relationship advice.
Very cynical.

Two men with dumb heads
Took a four person table
We gave them stink-eye

Lunch alone for the
first time in forever. Odd.
Had pasta, read book.

Dear red glasses gal
who's always at the counter:
I missed you today.

You never forget
that I like to have lettuce
on top of my bowl.

The best thing about
this place is that it makes me
wear my gloves more often.

(It's to carry my
my drink back afterwards, so my
hands don't get too cold).

I'm back on hot sauce
(after a months-long break).
I can't quit you, red...

I can fool myself
into eating my veggies
well, the hot sauce helps.

-from Ryan C., book publishing internet marketing guru and twitterer

Berkeley branch next to
Sporting goods store -- calories
In, calories out.

--by Charlie H., who has the same name as a professional wrestler but is actually just an awesome author

Minutes passed like hours
Finally, lunch had arrived
And now it's over...

Some other diners
needed a seat, so we left.
We like to be nice.

From you I learned this:
adding cilantro to rice
deceives dinner guests

into thinking that
I know anything about
cooking Mexican.

-Katie B.

Midtown lunch dot com
recently featured our blog.
Readers were not pleased.

I've pasted below
comments from lunch-elitists
(AKA: haters)

The haiku in blue
serve as formal rebuttal.
Later: fisticuffs.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Midtown Lunch New York
So much good food but I pick
Shitty burrito
-wayne

Thou dumb lazy slore
Stop conforming and head to
El Rey de Sabor
-max

I haven't been called
a conformist since high school.
Are you a goth chick?
-the fuzzkill

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Heinous burning smell
People run. Terrorists come?
No, Chipotle fart
-wayne

Chipotle sucks ass
Then ass blows liquidy gas
Damn you crappy food
-ESNY

You should probably
see a doctor about that.
As soon as you can.
-the fuzzkill

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Shout ‘Immigration’ at the Store
See the staff run for door
Serve ones self,haw haw haw.
-Rudy McBagel

As if New York food
isn't almost completely
cooked by immigrants.
-the fuzzkill

McBagel’s haiku
Is syllabically violating
all up and down yo
-max

McBagel and Max
I wonder if you really
Know how haiku works?
-Anonymous

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

They aren’t haiku. There is no seasonal reference.
I hate people who remember 5-7-5 and think that’s all there is to it.
-Caryn

Caryn, YES!!!
-poetryman

haiku sometimes have
seasonal references, but
not always, caryn.

to everyone else,
thanks so much for your haiku
we do love them so.
-erica

Believe it or not
we’ve heard that before, caryn
my standard reply:

Wikipedia
Says that “kigo” is common
Not really required

Also, hate you too
Food is nature-related.
That probably counts
-the fuzzkill

my dearest caryn,
why ruin the fun now, its
starting to get warm
-Danny

Caryn so anal
With burrito so vegan
In fucking winter
-wayne

A short follow-up:
Life is more than what you learn
in fifth-grade English
-the fuzzkill

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Unwrapped burrito
Steak tastes like little turds
In any season
-putz

Caloric excess
Crap piled on a tortilla
Any time of year
-stevenp

I like your "kigo"
How dare you malign my bowl?!
You just don't get it...
-the fuzzkill

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

BTW, if this ML’er actually knows/works with these people, he/she should submit their names for mandatory euthanization. I can’t recall the last time I ever saw something sl lame and plain wrong.
-stevenp

I share burritos
with Dr. Kevorkian.
Gave him your address.
-the fuzzkill

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

chipotle is good, i cant deny it
-EZE

Of all non-haiku
comments on that awesome thread
this is best by far
-the fuzzkill

TGIF. Though,
it means no more chipotle
till monday. Unless . . .

Bad day requires
Chipotle, but sadly I
cannot break for lunch.

-Erica W., who is quickly becoming our #1 guest haiku-er

Ordinary day.

Chipotle led to the Park,

moon song, and a ring.

-Katie and Marc

A small scoop of rice
I asked for extra black beans
Golden ratio

Dad in hospital
I wish I could bring him a
big burrito bowl.

the hate comes like rain
on your chipotle haikus
dropped "euthanize" bomb

-A friend of the Fuzzkill, and Chipotle-eater Donald

Midtown lunch dot com:
Thank you for the great shout out
I loved the death threats

Fuzzkill is angry
that Chipotle haikus
come so late after food

-Chipotle guest Sean, who doesn't realize that the plural of haiku is, in fact, haiku. We appreciate his contribution anyway.

The happy cashier
proves that Chipotle can heal
the heart in rough times.

-from Erica W., who's our favorite Chipotle guest since she never ever forgets to haiku afterwards

Didn't sit upstairs.
It's a whole new world when you're
so close to the line.

Calm after the storm
A thanksgiving feast with friends
Heal my soul, Chippy

“Identity Crisis”

One question burns so…
Why so many mispronounce?
Chi pol te you aren’t.

--from our co-worker Kayleigh's friend Marie

A word of advice:
Chipotletunity knocks?
You'd better answer.

Leftover pasta
and chickpeas. Still good but not
like my Chipotle.

Chipotle is here.
on my breath. around my waist.
dear friend, do not go.

-from today's Chipotle guest and the fuzzkill's roomie, Brianne

Tried a chicken bowl
Chipotle can do no wrong
Perfect in my eyes.

-from frequent Chipotle guest Erica W., who introduced a new person to Chipotle today

Icky tummy. Can
Chipotle be to blame? No.
It must be my job.

A Chipotle lunch
makes the worst day worth living.
Is it the salsa?

"Denver"

Never made it to
original Chipotle.
My stomach yearns still.

--from Kayleigh, our co-worker and fellow blogger

How can you eat it
so much, and stay so thin? That
is the best question.

Did I really eat
that chicken burrito bowl?
Or did it eat me...

working in white plains
stuck with desert moon cafe
at the mall food court

-by my friend Dan Leslie, the first person who ever told me about Chipotle

Cold, stressful Thursday
Will the bad news come today?
Chicken bowl solace

Do we really want
to go to Digby's, Mark asked.
The answer was no.

Back at work, and sad
So hard to concentrate when
I miss chipotle.

Where was smiley guy?
He gives extra rice and beans
He'd better return

A burrito bowl
makes my tummy feel happy
with rice, beans, salsa

-by today's Chipotle guest, Erica W.

Lunch today was soup
Turkey chili, hunk of bread
That's no burrito

I cannot wait till
tomorrow, when my belly
will be full of yum.